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edu180atl: katie jacobs 11.27.12

Today my frustration reached its peak. I am no longer disappointed nor accepting, but overwhelmed.  I have been out of commission with a knee injury for eleven months. My life has become very stationary and slow. I was always the kid going from one practice to another; never standing still. Now, I sit and watch with envy and regret, but also fear. Never in my life did I imagine the emotional and physical toll of an injury.

As I look at my left knee, I am constantly reminded of the painful memories of dislocating my knee three times followed by two knee surgeries. While my knee is physically scarred, with six large incisions, I have learned over this long process that the mental battle wounds are much worse.

For me, my entire life has changed. I never understood what sports provided me, until they were completely taken away. I have lost my sense of drive and belief in myself, and the scariest realization is the fear I have found within. I always considered myself a strong person, able to deal with much adversity, but this was one massive bullet. My frustration is towards myself. I feel myself mentally wanting to give up. Finding the strength to fight my fears is the hardest, but with support from others, I am beginning to regain my confidence and hope. This experience has taught me that while life may throw many obstacles your way, with belief in oneself, one’s true character and strength will persevere.

About the author: Katie Jacobs is a junior at Holy Innocents’ Episcopal School. She loved playing sports and hopes to return to soccer field and basketball court someday soon.

6 Comments Post a comment
  1. A friend of mine went to a seminar in which he was asked to list who he was. He wrote words like father, husband, learner, principal, writer, collaborator, friend, teacher, etc. The leader of the seminar kept asking him to pare down those descriptors until he was left with five, then three, then one. Erasing each one was painfully difficult for him. He had to imagine what it would be like to no longer be a teacher, to no longer be a friend. But in the end the exercise helped him discover his essential self. It wasn’t about dismantling; it was really about creating – finding where our foundation lies.

    I realize this process has been difficult for you, but I hope that it has also helped you discover what part of you can never be taken away. That’s the part that will help you discover how to rebuild.

    November 27, 2012
    • Katie #

      Thank you so much Mrs. Chesser for this comment. It really means a lot and I am starting to understand what my true qualities are. It is definitely a slow process, but I know the lessons I have learned have impacted me greatly. Thank you so much again for your insight!

      November 28, 2012
  2. You are brave and bold. It is absolutely natural to feel everything that you are feeling. Whatever you do, allow yourself to feel…Our feelings are meant to be felt in their entirety, so they may wash through and exit our bodies. It is only when we deny them and repress them that they weigh us down. So find a safe place and express! As the wise turtle in Kung Fu Panda said: “there are no accidents”. It is now up to you to figure out why and where this new path is taking you. The answers are literally everywhere if you are willing to take a leap of faith and listen with a silent mind and an open heart. You are invincible. 🙂

    November 28, 2012
  3. Stephen G. Kennedy #

    I deeply admire your candor and your willingness to reflect on your pain, your sadness, and what must be your anger. That is such a powerful process – you are serving as your own most important teacher. So many of us turn away from such lessons. I have learned much listening to what you wrote — thank you for that!

    November 28, 2012
  4. Katie: what an honest, brave, and revealing post. We are all taught to smile and persevere, to buck up and not whine, to be strong. By uncovering your weakness and sharing it–and your feelings about it–so publicly, you have displayed a kind of strength we often ignore or forget about. It’s called candor.

    November 29, 2012
  5. Katie-

    I admire you for sharing something so vulnerable with the world. By committing your thoughts to the written world, you help others with their journeys through struggle and challenge — issues we all face time and again. For that, I — along with my fellow readers — thank you.

    November 29, 2012

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